Rwanda Gorilla by YoungRobv

Habit is a cable; we weave a thread of it each day, and at last we cannot break it. -Horace Mann

The things that get measured are the things that get done. -Michael LeBouef

On paper, kids are a bad investment.  There are not many cases in which you would get out of them what you put in financially.  Yet when it comes to basic life needs of significance, love and connection there is no measure to the return on investment. I get plenty of ego feed from my kids:  Pictures of me, awards of “Best Dad” with little basis for comparison, exchanges of excited waves every time they come around a carousel.  Two or three times a week I get the best chorus of squeals and appreciation upon arrival imaginable when I come in the door from work and I only wish I was as cool as they think I am.  They ask for stories of my childhood and hunger for more details.  They are excited to help with the smallest of activities as long as they can be by my side.  Parents can be quick to label the behavior of a child as good or bad and hope the bad habits are something they will grow out of.  Here are three areas of behavior my kids have me beat hands down and this adult needs to unlearn some bad habits.   I have arranged them in a quick to review acronym of A.P.E. so it is easy to check myself when I see “adult” behaviors that don’t align with how I want my kids to perceive their dad.

Appreciation:

Does my family know they are valued?

I wonder what percentage of my interactions start with “No” and “Don’t”.   How would you see yourself if the majority of your behavior was painted negatively and corrected?  Is there a part of what my kids are doing I could positively encourage before making suggestions of what might be wrong?  Almost always.  I also use the appreciation bookmark as a reminder to see things from their perspective.  I need to be mindful of returning that appreciation and letting them know they are precious and special to me.  Stores ARE boring and jumping on beds IS fun.  I am getting better at this but would not yet call it a habit.

You were given a gift of 86,400 seconds today. Have you used one to say “thank you? -William Arthur Ward

Presence in the moment:

Wherever I am, BE there.

We all are called to play multiple roles in life that pull on our time and attention.  Because my workday doesn’t produce much idle time I often mistakenly treat my home time as discretionary and find I am mentally organizing to-do’s or worrying about when I will find the time to check them off.  When I fail to be in the moment with my kids I risk missing learning moments or worse, portraying the feeling that they are unimportant to me.  A nightly habit of 10-15 minutes of quiet time allows me to press snooze on those nagging thoughts because I know they will be visited later.  I will often jot down a quick note to myself to allow my mind to let it go.  I struggle with this one daily.

This moment deserves your full attention, for it will not pass your way again. -Dan Millman

Enthusiasm:

This isn’t a “have to”.

Even the above reminders of action can come across as “have to” if they are not done with enthusiasm.  Admittedly, one of my strengths is enthusiasm.  I enjoy working with new people, solving problems and telling stories and find I can be much more effective and productive if people like to be around me.  However, because I spend my work day pumping out energy my family will often unfairly get my wind down.  I run the risk of “someday syndrome”.  I can always convince myself that today is a special circumstance and I would be more energetic if I were not so tired or had a less busy day.  Today is yesterday’s someday and every day that passes is another memory of their dad’s temperament.   My “plan” to show enthusiasm remains a plan unless I pay attention to my mood and body language.  Do my kids know their stories are exciting to me?  Am I asking questions, really exploring and fishing for more?  Or am I offering the occasional “really?” “that’s cool”, and “wow”.  They are fun, being their Dad is fun, life is fun, even solving the day’s problems can be fun.

Why grin and bear it when you could smile and change it? -Unknown

Strengths and weaknesses can vary.  This list is specific to what I find as my daily potential for failure.  Review your daily interactions and habits.  Are they consistent with how you see yourself or how you want to be seen?  Feel free to leave any personal areas for growth or thoughts in the comments.