The importance of talking with your kids cannot be disputed.  Questions, role playing, being read to and silly interaction all fill specific purposes. “Talk to your kids about -fill in the blank- or someone else will.”  No question.  How about listen to your kids or they’ll create some weird uninvited guest in your house who will.  Listen to your kids or they’ll start talking to the dog or inanimate objects.  Their brains are going a mile a minutes and SOMEBODY is going to hear it goshdernit!  When I see my own kids cultivating relationships with a favorite doll, one of our dogs or the short-lived as of yet - imaginary friend, I wonder what they are not getting from us that these things provide. In my own childhood I employed a stuffed Curious George, a mutt-terrier and I am certain a couple stray imaginary friends, all for individual reasons. The common variable between the three is silence.  A blank sounding board of undivided attention.

I’m not very good with people. Even when I was little, my imaginary friend would play with the kid across the street. And I’d be like, “I guess we’ll meet up later.” And he’d be like, “Whatever, queer.” - Daniel Tosh (comedian)

Listen to the desires of your children. Encourage them and then give them the autonomy to make their own decision. -Denis Waitley

While I find most of their stories extremely entertaining and genuinely thirst for detail there are the occasional stories that lack either beginning, middle, end, any semblance of order or hope for purpose. With my boy, he will not volunteer up much information about his day without prodding but will tell me all kinds of stuff about his friends that reveal plenty of areas for digging if you listen.  In contrast, my little girl will spend an hour recapping a half hour event with granular detail. Oftentimes, the adult listening techniques of repeating an interesting phrase or digging further for information is met with a frustrated groan that I have thrown off their story.  There is also very few opportunities to provide undivided attention.  The demands of 3 other siblings and home upkeep often result in multi-tasking at the expense of eye contact and full engagement in the ride they are trying to take me on.

Daniel Pinks’ new book A Whole New Mind: Why Right-Brainers Will Rule the Future declares that one of the six aptitudes or senses necessary for success in the upcoming “conceptual age” is the gift of story-telling.  Let your kids learn by doing.  Give them a pleasant smile and some eye contact.  Listen for their queues and give inaudible but energetic reactions to the yarn they are spinning just for you.  Schedule one on one listening time as a break while helping with homework.  Ask for the best and worst part of their day at bedtime.  Give your child the empty space pets, dolls, prayer and imaginary friends allow.  In short, zip the lip and listen!